after furiously thumping my desk, the skateboard, the chair
nibbling on hair, fingernails
after much intranet whining to unsuspecting colleagues
typing and backspacing

i end the night with new friends who graffiti-ed my name twice
TWICE !

♥

good morning starshine,
the earth says hello !

because,
we can sit on the roadside while angry cars whizz by
and laugh about being hit by the angry cars whizzing by.
while rokok-ing.
( after watching jangan rokok. )

In the parallel universe, Jemaine Clement will be my Significant Other.

and Kevin Drew will have dangerous liaisons with me.

i cry as my father speeds past the amber lights
angry hot pelts of incompetence
i worry i will never fulfill even the basic phases of a productive life
that i will always fall short
of the something i am supposed to be.

he doesn't offer a hug
we have never worked that way
perhaps he suggests,
i should call my aunt, who can be of help to the article
my editor wants on her desk by noon.
that is how he is.
practical in caring, responsible.

my fingernails are scarring my arm
but the pain is all good

---

i'm not sure
who you think i am
when you insult the friendship i thought we had
with a " Danie isn't happy because we never ajak her"
i'm not sure
what that one liner means.
i'm not sure
it captures in entirety

the friendship that i thought i nurtured
the love i had so much faith in; it always hurt when you shortchanged me.

---

and so it is
that the faith in humanity and ourselves
persists
fails
and seeks to persist again
because beyond hope
there is the need to hope.

and  with that.
i am now 21
always in these transient moments
of living.

it started out with a scratching sound in the wall. it sounded like a squirrel, only with sharp razor teeth, red gleaming eyes and bad breath.
it might have been termites, but The Sister googled it and was informed that
TERMITES DO NOT MAKE SCRATCHY SOUNDS!

her eyes became as wide as this -> 0_0

my theory is that it is a Ghost with long fingernails and a penchant for digging tunnels through wood,
but that has yet to be checked out.

---
after which there was the unceremonial rush-hour jam on the Dan Quick Pack Your Luggage highway, and the flurry of goodbyes, hugs and kisses.

"I won't see you for another 6 months!"

i was already thinking about the chicken, which does indeed, for the information of the intarweb nerds reading this,
DOES TASTE BETTER DOWN UNDER.

and so it went.
check in, squint for gate number, pee and poop.
and wait.
and wait

wait



and


wait.

until one Aussie bloke decides to pull off an A Bomb to those already waiting for our
godamn delayed plane that,

"Bad news folks, looks like QF9 will not be departing this evening. I'm very sorry for the wait ( it was approx 4 hours since I sat my butt down)
but kindly go to Gate 10 for taxi or accomodation vouchers.

NAH BEH! DU LAN! KNN CCB!

whereupon i haul a cab, drag my fat-ridden ass (due to the chicken) back to The Sister's place
and check my examination results.

the seas rolled apart, the fishes jumped
and I got my Cpluses

the cap dropped
the head rolled
but i really don't care, i just want to crash into my pillow back home once more

is that too much to ask for?

these are the things i have missed out on due to having a poor immune system

1.
a lovley 3N4D trip to Bintan, the blue skies and seas with a couple of lovley friends. oh, and a chance to show off my blubber in my swimsuit
2.
a night of sheesha-ing with my favourite melayu kawans of all time, Kambing and Hazah. what i woudn't give to hear about hazah's magical encounter with Mr X on the train whom she wanted to shag ON THE SPOT
3.
a day out with my best friend ;_;

these are the things i have gained from having a poor immune system

1.
snorting out unidentified pieces of snort which are dark green, slimy and longer than they should be
2.
a lot of time on my hand to make stupid photoshop pictures to make up for those i didn't do in kindergarten
3.
coldplay's viva la vida leaked songs !
4.
the complete memorisation [?] of flight of the conchords lyrics and interviews of Jemaine Clement, love of my sick life.

ARGHHHHHHHH!
dammnit.

note to self:

self control is a virtue.
rinse and repeat.

i
feel
depressed
that
i
was
distressed
by
the
need
to
impress
.

---

This is amusing on a few accounts:
1. It is only mothers who know the exact  quantity and quality of food products stored in refrigerators. The Jap. cucumber she mentions is undoubtedly fresh, and so is the lettute which she has spelt wrongly.

2. It is only mothers who instinctively chart your periods, maybe The Mother is a bloodhound in disguise, who knows? After all, she can also tell when I feel fat, when I am lying, when I have stolen the grapes, and when I have just suffered from major blood loss.

3. It is only mothers who send their children emails labeled This is Your Mom. I do not know of any other human being who will label their emails This Is Joanne, or This Is Your Crush Who Will Never Like You Back.

4. It is only mothers who will save money on sending a text message or even simply giving a call by using the technology of today ( free, some more!) to remind their children about food. In the fridge.

5. It is only mothers who have this special kinetic telepathy Thing going on with their husbands. How else would she know that The Father would also have the same desires for me to focus on my revision? Presumably, if I was doing revision in the first place.

1st
you turn up Take That : The Hits to the max and attempt to relive those action days when you played Pray on the piano at the tender age of 9, only to be coerced by your older sister to turn it into a mini Take That tribute performance there and then.

2nd
you press Cntrl + T three times to access your gmail, livejournal f-list and all-time favourite thecoolhunter.net

3rd
you chortle at those CMI nurave retards and wish you could also wear sparkly silver tights and purple headband AND look good

4th
you decide it is snack time even though you just ate one stick of fishballs, a bowl of noodles and some dumplings. whereupon you fish out Granola Bites ONLY BY QUAKERS! and dump them in strawberry yoghurt. and then you realised you just ate a piece of carrot cake like say, 5 minutes ago. but this fact was obfuscated by the fact that you were chortling over those nurave retards

5th
you switch on the AC because the weather is warm

6th
you switch off the fan because the AC is cold

7th
you switch off the AC because it is cold

8th
you switch on the fan because it is warm

9th
you switch off the fan and turn on the AC again because it is warm

10th
you put on your cardigan because the AC is cold even though the weather outside is warm

and then you start thinking of the possibility that you might not finish your south asian literature essay on time to hand it up tomorrow and you go back to thecoolhunter.net

edit:
my mom just came into the room
and said
"you do know that you can increase the temperature right?"

i think sometimes she wonders what kind of child she gave birth to.

if there was snow in singapore, only then would i kiss that ugly bugger.

if it snowed in singapore, i would believe your hamster pooed on your homework.

YEA FO REALZ YOU WON THE LOTTERY, LIKE IT SNOWS IN SINGAPORE.

but today, boys and girls.
all these examples hold true, because by some freak of nature
[ or actually its la nina ]

IT HAILED IN SINGAPORE.

so now, it's time to stock up on those made in china winter wear,
time to start making eggnog and cook hot beef stew
time to invest in more wonderfully versatile leggings
time to reinvent the singapore tourism board

LOOK MA, LETS HEAD TO SINGAPORE, ITS THE ONLY COUNTRY IN THE TROPICS TO EXPERIENCE HAIL !

time to pray.
i swear this is the beginning of the end,
i'd better hook up with a guy pronto
before i die a virgin.

yes but sometimes i want to